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Watching 'Animal Planet'?- some kind of predator documentary? Something with reality TV? //Keeping Up With The...?// Housewife sitting around.... Necks.....

SEPT 15 keywords: bumper, fender bender, suburbs, angel, devil, accident, insurance, tailgating question: who's talking?

//Geico gave me one hell of a deal.// //Actually, I'm more of a (guardian) angel. [substitute something for "guardian"]// //Do you think He has insurance?// //You should have turned off your halo beams.// //Well what are the chances of that?// //What should we tell Him.// //I've got coverage.// //It's okay, it's a rental.// //Is one of the seven deadly sins tailgating?// //So now it's a sin to stop at a red light?//

AUG 31

 Entry must be received by 11:59 P.M. E.T. on August 31, 2014. Click here for the official rules.  - spikes - rally heels //- these things are killing me// 

Read more: [|http://legacy.newyorker.com#ixzz3C1GhaRY7]

SEPTEMBER, 23, 2013: TOPICS: Easter

CAPTIONS: //Easter Bunny is pissed this year.// //She was right.// //I must be suffering from topiary confusion.// //It __does__ look different in the daylight.// //How am I going to mow around that?// //I'm pretty sure that wasn't there last night.//

SEPTEMBER 9, 2013:



__**Initial thoughts/ brainstorm**__ Ok, so it ooks like the snail dude is doing the talking. Greek or Roam, Minotaur has to be referenced in some way.

Inferiority complex?: 'Easy for you to say....'

or something snail-like: 'Slow & steady does NOT get the .....(whatever)...'

"CLOSE THE DEAL"

 * - P. Stelzer**



// I don't think you understand the gravity of your situation. // We suspect helium poisoning.: **(Peter)** // I see you've had your belly button removed. // // If anything changes call me tomorrow. // //The good news is it's not lead poisoning.// // Your chart indicates... // // ...a rise in Medicaid. // //Got gas?// //Do you have a family history of...// //floating// //ghost// //anti-gravity// //helium// //poltergeist//

//Sissyphus.// //Oh yeah, well try breastfeeding.// //How is he sleeping?// //Lucky __you__ didn't have twins.//



=**OR**=



cloning Costco // I know I shouldn't have sent you to Costco. // // I need to stop going to Costco. // //I don't care how good a deal it is// //You should see the rabbits.// //E-bay.// //Maybe it was 40 days and 40 nights and __2__ giraffes...// //Stop me if you've heard this one before.//







Thinking outside the box? //Did you see the Jets game?// //I think they call this xxx-sourcing.// //We got down-sourced.// //How come I always get the outhouse?// //How about we just save Mr. Kimball some work and swap piles?// //I've got an itch.// //Is this how Atlas felt?//



Congratulations, it's a Hyundei!! bury placenta in Detroit CongratulationsIt's a hybrid Congratulations it's insurance/ car/medical insurance MPG C-Section //Are they singing??? What???//
 * //It even has that new car smell! (submitted by Jon) CtD!//**
 * 10 fingers, 10 toes, 20 MPG**

making cars smaller and smaller Made in America/ domestic model it's got your headlights!!/ it even has your ___ you're lucky it wasn't an SUV...

//**Submissions due Dec 10**// doctor walking examination Dr is talking.... patient is somewhat oblivious is Dr examining people at random the form is in his hands- a standard form?

issues: Obamacare?? Something about billing Medicare...waste? fraud? healthcare reform man in the street peripatetic financial cliff play on "walking pneumonia"

suggestions: //I've never seen such an extreme case of...// //This confirms my research that...//

//**Submissions due Dec 3**//

street lamp? gumball machine? lightbulb? crystal ball polish that fragile ego sing= break glass hammer Christmas ornament fiscal cliff shatter shine

//Maybe Jenkins here can illuminate us...// //Jerry's being opaque again.// //Off in his own world again.// //Someone must have a bright idea around here.//
 * //Cromwell looks like a big white ball again.//**

//**Submissions due Nov. 26th **//



IDEAS FOR ABOVE CARTOON:
Jon says: //I think it's an office and he's a shrink. She is wife/patient/girlfriend and looks embarrassed – I think she's bringing the couch in with her.//


 * I think Jon's right, but is it obvious enough to go with a shrink metaphor? We do have the sitting shrink, the couch, the diploma on the wall......**

//I hope you don't mind that I brought my own couch.//

//I'm ready for our session.//

//How are we doing sofa?//

//Can I get a discount for bringing my own couch?//


 * //I think I've got an attachment disorder.//**


 * //I'm not sure I should be sitting on your lap anymore.....//**

//Acme movers- their motto is 'xxxxxxxxxxx'//

//It's a union thing......//

 ISSUES So you finally connected the dots? how did you figure it out? by the numbers he's not all there this is my friend... LINES //I'm more than just a number to him.// //Look, Warren, he doesn't just do it by the numbers.// //Well at least __he__ doesn't snore.// //But we feel a sense of connection.// //Do you have a pen?// //Look, we can just erase everything.// //__He__ goes up to 33.// //We stopped at 68...//
 * //So look who finally connected the dots...//**
 * //He connects me.//**



something about Homeland Security

Associations: UN, neighbors, surge, troops, Department of Defense, Homeland Security

Captions: //- Don't mind them, they are just from Timothy's new video game.// //- Just ignore them, Randall, they're only UN peacekeepers.// //- Must be an election year again.// //- It says here that lavender oil and baking soda might make them go away.// //- No, why do you ask?// //-//





random associations: - FEMA - substitute teacher - pollster - census - right to bear arms - Libya - hunting - war/combat - violent video games - pun with "arms" or "weapons" WMD?

//Honey, will you be home for lunch?// //Can you get the dog from the vet?// //Can I give you a hand?// //Do you want me to turn off your PlayStation?// //Have you been playing Call of Duty again?// //Honey, can't you just send them an email?// //Did someone wake up on the wrong side of the bed this morning?//
 * //Honey, don't think the boomerang is a little much?//**



-something about an extreme drinking game. . . -"it looked good in the museum gift shop" -we use to be 4, something about the pair and the single woman. . . -French wine/French guillotine. . . -beer, the "head" on a glass of beer. . ., no head, wine. . . don't know where I'm going with this. ..

more random associations: wine > heady headache heads will roll pain in the neck head trip

//You should come back for our Bastille Day party// //It's too bad about the Dodgers// //So what does your husband do?// //Did this place come furnished?// >> submitted (Jon)



Psych speaking: how did it make you feel when so what happened after....

so you say that....

how long have you thought that..../ believed that......

DREAMS identity crisis //**what makes you think you're a horse?**// you'll clean up after yourself, won't you? and you say your father used to call you an 'ass' a lot? //**So you've always wanted a pony?**// hallucinations/ delusions/

Freudians: oedipal oral fixation parental interactions DREAMS

mythical epic rfreudian greek psychology term mythosoedipul half man/ half horse you say the three little pigs did what?

Zeus/ Norse gods satyrical


 * //Can we eat the ice cream yet?//**





Looks like the boat driver is doing the talking, tho could probably get away with the officer too...
From Jon's comments below, I see Noah as a possibility..... what sorts of things do you typically say to a cop who stops you... -wife pregnant? -have to go to bathroom? -didn't know how fast I was going?

__Possible captions:__
//Do you have a last name, Mr. Noah?//

//Problem is, I think it's flooded.//

//Can you tell me how to get to Lake Tahoe?//

//I heard 'Land Ho' and let 'er rip...//



02. A  1. ..**//.and later we can go dancing//**

2. and my friend Alice told me all men will eventually leave (leave me?)

3. If you keep interrupting me, honey, I'll have to take out the gag....

// 4. **Do you like the wine?** //

5. //**You're such a good listener**//

6. Something about Houdini ("tell me what it is you do again?)

7. Something where the guy is the waiter, and she "hates to eat alone..."

8. So tell me about your....

9. Don't you just love...(blind dates/ first dates)

10. I feel like I could just sit here forever....(don't you?)

11. Is that your foot rubbing my leg?

12. Isn't it great to just sit here and talk?

13. Is it just me or do you feel a connection too?

n anti-government protester gestures during clashes with police in Cairo January 26, 2011. Thousands of Egyptians defied a ban on protests by returning to Egypt's streets on Wednesday and calling for President Hosni Mubarak to leave office, and some scuffled with police. REUTERS/Amr Abdallah Dalsh



//**You've got to be kidding me**//

//I'm not sure about the delivery//


 * //Oh, I've heard this one before// **

//I already saw these on Letterman//

//ummm...ok "groucho", i'll be sure to pass these along....//

//do you have any other material?//

//oh...stop it, please...you're too kind//

//I feel like you're sending mixed messages....//

//This is not a laughing matter...// (that one from Tress, who wants in...and who is now cc'd) //You're really trying to soften the blow...//


 * "Ten Commandments" who?** (Submitted by Jon)

//thou shalt not give away the punchline// I like yours a lot, but put one in the form of a question: //thou shalt not give away the punchline?// (a la Moses basically thinking/ saying "THIS is one of the commandments?")

is //Thou shalt not heckle// too subtle?

others //I feel like you're sending mixed messages....//

//This is not a laughing matter...// (that one from Tress, who wants in...and who is now cc'd)

//You're really trying to soften the blow...//

or something with idea of Moses basically saying //yeah yeah I know it's you- that disguise isn't fooling anyone...//

or something using a Groucho Marx quote (belonging to a club that would have me as a member...)

//Hurry up, the valet is almost back!//
 * //The crew from "Iron Chef" is here.//**
 * //Table number 5 wants to know if you can do the burger low-carb.//**
 * //Good news is that we didn't find a distributor cap in the cobb salad.//**


 * //I'd love another glass of chianti but I'm already feeling a little buzzed.//**